


An interview with Peggy Carter regarding one James Barnes and Steven Rogers

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 5 years after the first avenger, F/M, M/M, POV Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, in which steve rogers has two right partners but doesn't realize it until it's too late, peggy knew all along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4687898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after Steve Rogers meets an icy grave, Peggy receives a call regarding memorializing one James Buchanan Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An interview with Peggy Carter regarding one James Barnes and Steven Rogers

In a small apartment in New York that Peggy shared with her husband and children - walls tacked up with their childish drawings of stick figures and puffy clouds and framed photos on nearly every surface  - the phone rang.

Peggy bounced a chubby baby with wild brunette curls on her knee as she answered - "Hello, may I ask who's calling?"

A firm masculine voice on the other end replied "My name is Thomas Woods and I am calling on behalf of The Smithsonian. We're erecting a memorial for Sargent James Barnes and we thought you might be able to fill in some gaps regarding his friendship with Steven Rogers."

Peggy's heart caught in her throat as images of Steve climbing up into a speeding jet and losing him the same day resurfaced. It was currently five years to the day that she'd lost him and the pain remained.

"I can help with that," she forced her voice to even and hugged the baby closer for comfort.

"Excellent. I have a few questions for you. We're aware of the two of them attending the same school but we're missing pertinent gaps that would lend a personal touch to the memorial. First off, how were Steven and James - I'm sorry, Bucky, on the battlefield?"

Peggy sucked in a deep breath and counted to ten before answering because god, if her chest could get any heavier it might just shatter.

"They were inseparable. In '44 when Sargent Barnes' division was captured by Hydra and Steve was informed of Barnes passing - he refused to accept it. I got the feeling that somehow he would _know_ if Sgt Barnes were alive or not. He made it his mission to uncover every inch of Hydra's last base until he found him - he said he'd walk there if he had to. He was always dramatic like that.  And so Howard Stark and I chartered his private jet and Steve parachuted straight into the most fortified area in Europe. He was missing for two weeks and had been presumed dead - he came back of course. Sgt Barnes was at his side - exhausted, bleeding and teary eyed but alive."

There was silence on the other end and the sound of crinkling notebook paper as Thomas took notes.

"And were you with them when Sgt Barnes fell from the train?"

"I was not, no."  She doesn't add that she was present when Steve crashed into the ice, but not in person.

"How did Steven react upon his friends death?"

Peggy recalled a dusty bombed out bar that Steve and Bucky had been sitting at only a day or two before and how she'd known exactly where to go to find Steve after Bucky fell. His nose was red and stopped up, blue eyes watery and bloodshot, puffy circles under them and chest heaving with the force of the grief he was trying desperately to contain. He'd did his best to hold it together in front of her but in the end he wasn't strong enough. He'd ended up sobbing until he couldn't catch his breath as she pulled him into her arms and gently stroked his hair - repeated what had became a mantra "It's not your fault. He must've thought you were damn well worth it."

And he had - she should know better than anyone. She'd been an agent - it was her job to read people like a book and she'd read Bucky loud and clear when she'd sauntered into the bar in a scarlet dress with a plunging neckline. He'd oogled at her and spat out "Ma'am" as if it were an insult then promptly attempted to flirt but the sadness in his eyes and the pace at which his smile fell revealed that he didn't really want to dance - he just didn't like the idea of Steve being hers alone. It wasn't that he saw Steve as an object to be hoarded, rather he saw him as the only bright spot in his life. They were in love - they belonged to one another and always had. They'd even followed one another into death itself.

Steve wanted her, Bucky, and the whole wide world too. She should've known that it would blow up in his face.

Having received the answer that she felt in her gut, she held her chin up high and left with high heels clicking against the floor. She hadn't looked back but she was positive that Bucky's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion - she had a way of stealthily studying others if even from her peripheral vision. She'd vowed then that she wouldn't put a finger on Steve Rogers - his heart belonged to someone else. And then that someone had tumbled off of a speeding train and Steve needed someone to keep him afloat - she allowed herself to taste those lips for the very first and (though she didn't know it at the time) last time just once. Steve had stared back at her with surprise and momentarily forgot what he was supposed to be doing - scaling Hydra's jet.

He'd said his goodbyes shortly after - promising a dance with slow music _(I'd hate to step on your...)_ and she'd realized that this must be how he'd felt since Bucky had fell right out of his life. It was like a gaping hole to the chest - a hemorrhaging wound. She hadn't been selfish - had held back those three words and buried them along with Steve Rogers.

The sound of an impatient voice pulled her back to the present where the baby was chewing on the phone cord - "Ma'am? Would you like me to repeat the question?"

"No. I apologize - I have young children and it's near impossible to stay focused," she replied with a hollow laugh.

"He was devastated as one is when a loved one passes unexpectedly. He channeled that grief into hunting down the last measly traces of Hydra and heroically sacrificed his own life for his country."

She doesn't add - _"This is my choice."_ and how he'd made the decision to not give her his coordinates so that a ship might locate him without difficulty. He hadn't wanted to be saved - not really.

"Can you tell me a little bit about Sgt Barnes and how his personality compared to Captain Rogers?," there was a sound of a pen clicking in the background and the rustling of papers once more.

"Sgt Barnes and I didn't get a chance to be properly introduced nor did we spend time together. From what I could gather he was an intelligent man who cared deeply about his friend and fighting alongside him. Steve trusted and respected him."  She hadn't missed the irony of Steve gravitating toward a woman who shared nearly all of Bucky Barnes' traits. That had been the first gut punch.

"What about photographs? Do you have any in your possession?"

Peggy recalled collecting newspaper clippings with Steve's face on the front page under the words _In Memory of America's Golden Boy - a Photographic Journey Through Steve Rogers' life and struggles as a young child in Brooklyn New York._ Bucky was almost always at his right in every picture even as young children. In at least one they'd captured the two of them laughing hysterically with wide toothy grins and eyes lighting up like fireworks on the fourth of July - that one was her favorite. 

"I only have newspaper clippings that I'm sure you already have copies of."  She only tells the half truth - she does not mention the black and white 5x7 of Steve when he first enlisted. It's carefully hidden away alongside precious jewelry and various sentimental objects.

The person on the other end sighed softly and the pen clicked once more. 

Peggy put the baby in her playpen and began to pace over patterned linoleum flooring - memories washing over her like a high tide that threatened to swallow her up whole. Words that might as well be a million years ago drifted into the apartment - _"All I had to do was hold on."_

"I'm sorry but I have to make dinner now. I hope that the information I gave you was enough to go on." 

"You've been a huge help. Thank you ma'am," Thomas said with feigned cheerfulness.

Peggy placed the phone back on the cradle and slid down against the living room wall where she remained until the baby saw her tears and got upset. She scooped her up in her arms and kissed a warm little head - swayed back and forth as hot tears continued to drip off of her cheeks and eyelids - sliding down her chin and onto the baby's hand. Steve should be here - alive and laughing with her over Sunday comics in the newspaper and telling her all about Bucky's latest antics - _he should be here._

She loved her life as much as the next woman and had everything she could've ever asked for - healthy children, a husband who cherished her, a modest apartment with stylish decor and yet it felt empty at times and the guilt ate at her for moving on.

She glanced at the clock - 4:35pm - her husband would be home soon and though she never hid her past from him she didn't want him to see her crying. It was a private moment - her own personal hell.

The baby drooled and chewed on her thumb as Peggy maneuvered her against her hip and began to pull out pasta and ground beef for dinner. She no longer had time to mourn the one that got away.

Life moves on even as those we love remain in the past - in another lifetime.

_I’ll see you some day before the end_   
_I don’t know where and I don’t know when_

_Oh darling my hearts on fire_

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a Steggy shipper but I do think that they cared for one another and she was Bucky's parallel.


End file.
